Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
