At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
