addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
it was like eating out sand paper
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
