I just cut my nipple shaving
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
