Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
