fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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