I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize