look no pants
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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