after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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