does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
