I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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