Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
