I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
