Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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