we have officially lost it.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
