My friends, they love my intelligence
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
