Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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