How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize