so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so let's talk penis.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
