Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
