the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's shark week go big or go home
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
