I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
