he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize