respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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