you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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