So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Is it because I queefed?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
