I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize