weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
