1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
