There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
