I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
