Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
