You smell like a Billy Joel song
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My pussy is not your playground.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
