Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize