Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
