I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
