oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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