went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
