Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
