just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
