So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
