So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Use "feeling words"
Yay
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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