dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
