One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize