I cannot find my penis.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
