Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
