I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We talked him into tasing himself.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize