WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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