I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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