i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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