OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
