I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
