thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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