While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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