4 words: hood of his car
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
