last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
