So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
