i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
