I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
