i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize