Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
