My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
