is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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