all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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