i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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