I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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