Your dad touched me again.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
me + whiskey = a bad person
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
