Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
