Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
