So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
