its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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