my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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