Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
