apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My penis needs a shock collar
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
